hacklog

Far Out I just opened mine eyes, and lo! I have not updated this since long before Shakespeare wast a boy… You would not believe how good I look after all the plastic surgery. Jealous much? Don’t be, it was very painful..

I am absolutely consumed with learning to play lawn bowls, rock crushing, just generally being a terrible burden to my psychologist. My day drifts aimlessly from the first cockadoodledoo from the rooster to 11pm at which point I fall asleep on the couch. I am beyond drunk most of the time. but who cares.

I absolutely, positively promise I will make more of an effort to blog more often until the nice men in the white coats come back. Sorry! This is for my ever faithful, devoted public..

Courtesy of The Lazy Bloggers Post Generator

Seriously odd little game thing.

It’s simple really:

You have two sides, one out in the field and one in. Each man that’s in the side that’s in goes out, and when he’s out he comes in and the next man goes in until he’s out. When they are all out, the side that’s out comes in and the side thats been in goes out and tries to get those coming in, out. Sometimes you get men still in and not out.

When a man goes out to go in, the men who are out try to get him out, and when he is out he goes in and the next man in goes out and goes in. There are two men called umpires who stay all out all the time and they decide when the men who are in are out. When both sides have been in and all the men have out, and both sides have been out twice after all the men have been in, including those who are not out, that is the end of the game!

That’s an old joke that lives on tea towels.

Bruce, if you need more details, try here.

On a related note, what’s the most common owl in England?

Purdy writes a great article in this morning’s Merc’ about how the Sharks can win.

As he points out, over the past 20 years, of the 68 teams that fell behind 3-0, none has rallied to even reach a Game 7.

But, “…of those 68 teams that fell behind 3-0 and went on to lose the series, 53 were the lower seed. So they weren’t supposed to win, anyway. The remaining 15 teams far more commonly stretched out the series to five or six games.”

We can do this. Believe.

GO SHARKS!!!

In the words of its creator: “Who would have guessed that when you remove Garfield from the Garfield comic strips, the result is an even better comic about schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and the empty desperation of modern life?”

Check out Garfield Minus Garfield.

Thanks Jessi for introducing me the The Superest.

Play Rockbusters online with Mr Pilkington.

* True or False: Bill Cosby was the first ever black man. (False, it was actually Sidney Poitier)
* Macaulay Culkin is a child, but can you name an adult? (This was not as easy as it seemed, as the only acceptable answer was Tom Petty)
* True or false - Cupboard doors open outwards. (This proved to be true as Vic asked the question from “the perspective of a trapped cat”)
* True or false - A Bounty bar is the exact same size and weight as a human thumb? (The answer was true, as demonstrated by Vic)
* Helmut, Braun, Tankard, Rifle? (The correct answer was Parsnip, Belltoupe, Carnival, Nectarine)
* True or false - William Shatner’s real name is Bill Shit? (it turned out to be false)
* True or False: Paul Daniels’ head is wider than it is tall. (This was proven to be true due to measurements from a composite sketch)
* True or False: Inside every cat there is trapped a rabbit, and when a cat says “miaow”, it is actually the rabbit saying “get me out”.
* True or False: Jeremy irons? (sic) (false; but there is not a given answer.)
* Who’s a cheeky boy then? (Sid Owen simply answers ‘Me’)
* Who would win in a fight between a steel octo-bear and some sort of strange man fungus?
* Name a type of bee that produces milk. (The correct answer was ‘boobies’)
* A dog has three puppies, but what was the name of the mother? (This trick question recurred in many formats - the name of the mother is ‘What’ (see Who’s On First?). These sections usually end with a bemused Vic asking Bob ‘heh heh…well…what was it?’
* True or False: Snakes are used as belts by some Hindus.
* True or False: Shoes from Dundee can be moved by the power of the mind. (This was proven true, as demonstrated with guest Clare Grogan’s shoe)
* Name a junction on the M6 (The guest star almost always got the answer wrong).
* True or False: In Judo there is a move where in which the recipient of the blow reaches instant orgasm, leaving them wide open to attack.
* True or false: Can Michael Barrymore swim?
* How old is Joan Collins? (Russell Grant failed to get the correct answer, leading Mortimer to say “His powers are weak!”)
* “Love me for a reason and let that reason be…” (It was answered “love”, as the correct title of the Boyzone song. However, Bob replies “No, my 27 and a half inch penis”)
* The Lady in Red is about;

a) Chris de Burgh’s recently murdered wife
b) Chris de Burgh’s recently un-murdered wife
c) A granary loaf
or d) A & E

(Correct answer was b) Chris De Burgh’s recently un-murdered wife)

* Who is the latest gameshow host to say “Come on down, the Price Is Right”? (It was answered with Bruce Forsyth, but Vic Reeves replied with “No. It was me… just now.”. In reality, Forsyth never actually said the catchphrase in the show, though he was the latest host)
* Name a sheep dog

David Wynne’s River God Tyne sculpture at the Civic Centre in Newcastle.